For the first time in my life, I give a contrary contention to an argument I used to uphold: my brain. I used to believe that the brain should be given a priority to decide nearly everything in life. I carried this conception almost always every second, for I hated being stupid—I avoided any foolish argument, any dumb decision without concerning another part that actually is the most important of all: heart.
“Follow your heart, they all say
As if it’s undoubtedly true
What if my heart is contaminated?
Is there any warranty for it is always faithful?”
I remembered writing that verse in one of my poems, vacillation, and now I know the answer: that I should follow my heart.
I don’t try to blame what I had believed all these years. I don’t try to criminate my brain but my pride that has eventually trampled my own complacency. I realize that it is, in fact, the ones who have acuteness are those who put their heart first over the others.
Ironically, what I had done to myself was following my logic first on a very supreme level, thus I didn’t even think of what others feel. I am smart and people must see it most of the time. I thought of the best ending which people could see in me because in my eyes, that was the most significant of all.
I was always proud of my own objective view, yet it closed my heart down to see the world and to see around me. I couldn’t feel the signs, the whispers that lead to eternal glory. I couldn’t see my personal legend as Paulo Coelho said in his book. I was blind. I was literally blind.
In the end, there is no more significant than the heart, for it is the most important of all. Following my logic is good for certain things, but it doesn’t mean to be the only eminence. I shall follow my heart instead. I shalt now believe that it should be given a privilege to decide nearly everything in life. And, I will always do count on that.
May 7, 2018
The Girl Who Repents