A lot of my fellas told me that I have baby face, sorta. I
look younger than my age. A stranger on the street called me with 'dek' rather
than 'mbak', some of them occasionally asked me which grade I am, then I
answered, "am a college student." Then they told me, "You
look younger, I guess you are a high school student." Kinds like which. If
I could say honestly, I don't really like the baby-face thing, but the idea of
look younger is great. Well, I know this appearance judgement is very subjective.
Am not that fully or literally baby face, but surely I look younger. That's it.
Despite all those designations toward me, despite that
younger thing, I want to show them that I have a very sophisticated mind. My
personality indicates the rarest one amongst women. I have plans and goals
including backups. I keep on track to reach my ambitions. I handle things on my
own. I have taste in heavy reading. I have bla bla bla and bla bla bla which
eventually make you feel irritating. The point is...
This look and personality
bring to an irony.
Ferdinand de Saussure once defined 'langue' and 'parole' as
a code and a message, form and expression, a concrete manifestation and an
abstract knowledge. 'Baby face' is a langue and its parole
is 'babyish, childish appeareance, small-featured face'. 'Sophisticated'
is the langue and 'a high degree of complexity' is its parole. The
form and expression between both is irony. It shows each other's contrary.
I hate it when people see me as a girl, THAT girl, as my
surface structure which unconsciously bring their brain into an abstract
conception called unsophisticated mind I have. "Hey, philosophy is not
type of your reading, right? kid books are more suitable for you." /
"It is kind of weird looking at you, doing something which preferred done
by someone older than you." / "b o c a h" / or whatever kinds of
remarks they say to me. The bottom line is I hate the irony.
Consequently, I occasionally adjust my behavior like a
little girl, but deep down inside I prefer to look like a sophisticated woman.
However, people want to see what they think it is right to see, and sometimes
what's already in you cannot be denied so much. Well, yeah I hate the
irony, but a plus pro is the idea of look younger, right?
Above all I figure out, either in their identity or
personality, everyone is undercover. Including when I said, "I am
sophisticated."
Lista Rani
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