Monologue: Who Am I

“I’m stuck between who I am, who I want to be, and who I should be.”

Perhaps that’s the best quote that suitable for me right now. I am in search of myself about who I am and who I really want to be in the future.

I’ve heard once a saying by Mandy Hale, “Some steps need to be taken alone. It’s the only way to really figure out where you need to be.”

 Alone is the best way to find the answer of “who am I”.

 I agree.

Alone is the best way to discover the true potential of me. To know thoroughly about myself.

I start isolating myself from the crowd. Leaving all my jobs and start doing what I love.

            And, I enjoy it.

But then, in the middle of my solitude I ask myself:

 “Am I good enough?”

“Why I still don’t know myself?”

“Why I’m stuck?”

Time flies, second still counts, but why haven’t I found the essence point of my life?

            Am still lost…

I start crying… secretly.

I am being… paranoid.

Will I stay like this?

My fear about being lost, about being not good enough are profoundly big.

I DON’T KNOW MYSELF!

I need someone to tell me that everything will be alright, but no one comes nor understands.

Day by day has been through. The shadow of failure still haunts me almost always every second. I wake up and realize…

The shadow will always haunt me. No matter what, no matter when. And perhaps millions of people also feel the same way too.

Now I decide, for the sake of who I am. Under the circumstances of fully paranoid, I will do my best, I will keep doing what I love.

Because I believe when the best I invest, one day I’ll gain the best as well.

My name is Lista, and here I am.