A lot of my fellas told me that I have baby face, sorta. I look younger than my age. A stranger on the street called me with 'dek' rather than 'mbak', some of them occasionally asked me which grade I am, then I answered, "am a college student." Then they told me, "You look younger, I guess you are a high school student." Kinds like which. If I could say honestly, I don't really like the baby-face thing, but the idea of look younger is great. Well, I know this appearance judgement is very subjective. Am not that fully or literally baby face, but surely I look younger. That's it.
Despite all those designations toward me, despite that younger thing, I want to show them that I have a very sophisticated mind. My personality indicates the rarest one amongst women. I have plans and goals including backups. I keep on track to reach my ambitions. I handle things on my own. I have taste in heavy reading. I have bla bla bla and bla bla bla which eventually make you feel irritating. The point is...
This look and personality bring to an irony.
Ferdinand de Saussure once defined 'langue' and 'parole' as a code and a message, form and expression, a concrete manifestation and an abstract knowledge. 'Baby face' is a langue and its parole is 'babyish, childish appeareance, small-featured face'. 'Sophisticated' is the langue and 'a high degree of complexity' is its parole. The form and expression between both is irony. It shows each other's contrary.
I hate it when people see me as a girl, THAT girl, as my surface structure which unconsciously bring their brain into an abstract conception called unsophisticated mind I have. "Hey, philosophy is not type of your reading, right? kid books are more suitable for you." / "It is kind of weird looking at you, doing something which preferred done by someone older than you." / "b o c a h" / or whatever kinds of remarks they say to me. The bottom line is I hate the irony.
Consequently, I occasionally adjust my behavior like a little girl, but deep down inside I prefer to look like a sophisticated woman. However, people want to see what they think it is right to see, and sometimes what's already in you cannot be denied so much. Well, yeah I hate the irony, but a plus pro is the idea of look younger, right?
Above all I figure out, either in their identity or personality, everyone is undercover. Including when I said, "I am sophisticated."